Spring 2011

Sex and violence is the name of a hip hop album by Boogie Down Productions -KRS1 which I bought when I was 17

I have been thinking about facts, about transparency, commitment and community.
I have been thinking about sex and violence, love and death.

On Tuesday 15th February 2011 my aunt Sue got the results of her brain scan and found out she had secondary tumours in her brain, her spine, and her femur They couldn’t find the primary tumour, they stuck a camera up her bum, they took a liver sample and found out it was in her lung.
She is 58.
She has stage 3 lung cancer, the type which often affects healthy middle age women with no relationship to smoking.
70 percent of people with this diagnosis die within 5 to 8 months.

Her treatment has been brought forwards and will begin on Thursday 17th March.
A low does radio therapy to the entire brain.

Grieving her death before she has died.
I don’t think I feel sad, it doesn’t feel like an emotion more like being ambushed every now and then, overtaken by a wash, a flood, a Tsunami, no warning, no reasoning, just a physiological response to the abnormal cell division inside the body of Sue.
This occurrence,
This disease,
This invasion,
This fact
A fact about me and my story, my family, our family the human race
On March 11 2011 an earthquake and Tsunami wave hit Japan killing thousands of people
It is spring in Massachusetts, where the thick snow melts and ugly mud takes over
Dying, dying, dying, dying
The ice is melting, dripping, oozing, melting, and merging
The lake is still, so still I cannot leave, stuck to the ice
Allowing the cold to capture flesh and bones, to suffocate and seize my breath
Brittle flesh, snapping blood,
A rock
Sitting still and heavy, stuck to the earth, submerging deeply
Lost inside our story,
We cannot escape,
She cannot escape
This thing we are now will never be again